hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Randomize