I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Randomize
