I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
