I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
