he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
