I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
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