you guys were way drunker than both of me
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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