THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize