Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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