I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
