Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize