i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
