You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
