If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize