i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Holy sore nipples Batman
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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