This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize