Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
