U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
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