Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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