***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
