yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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