i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
