oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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