Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Randomize
