He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
