There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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