I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
