So drunk its hurt
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Randomize
