Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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