Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
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