he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Randomize
