Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Randomize
