Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
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