I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
