Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I booty called her while she was in labor.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Randomize
