At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
