i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
