I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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