hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
