So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
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