My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
