How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize