At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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