hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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