drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
