No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
it's like heaven, but drunker
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
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