i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize
