By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
