I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Randomize
