She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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