He had one of those small greek statue penises
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
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