drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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