Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
