I puked a lego.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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