It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
