you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
