On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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