i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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