I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize