What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize