theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Randomize
