you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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