My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
