I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Randomize
