It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize