I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
In other news, I just burned my penis
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
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