i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Who died my cat blue again?
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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