1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
i already hear my dad disowning me
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
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