Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
organizing the empties. That sober.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
