I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Randomize
