My room smells like vodka and shame
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
