She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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