3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Randomize
