I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
