D3 body, D1 cock
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
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