you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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