There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
