Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
