my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
my sisters under your porch take her home
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
