just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
