you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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