I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
