its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
accomplished twins. life is a go
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
