Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
