dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
