you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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