If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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