operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
This is classic penis vs brain.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
