im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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