New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
