Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
