cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
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