I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
