dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize