I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
