Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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